What I wish I could time travel & tell my younger self

Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now. Now I know that what will be, will be. There is no need to fuss and worry over things. Worrying just makes the moment painful and does not allow us to appreciate what we have.

As a kid, all I wanted was to grow up really fast and start working. Now, I realize that the growing up years was the best time and nothing I do can bring those carefree days back. Being grown up has its own share of problems and school issues seem a walk in the park before them. Wish I had this wisdom back then.

As a teen I would get irked by my parents’ advice and restrictions; I wanted to break free. I hated being told what to do and what not to. But the older you get, the more you realize how much sacrifice, hard work and dedication, these two people have given to give you the best opportunities in your life. Today, having lost my mother, I realize this even more deeply. Now that my father is at the autumn of his life and I make it a point to call him as often as I can. These would be the moments that I would treasure later. So the lesson learnt is that love your parents while they’re still alive, because when you’re old and they’re gone, you’ll regret not appreciating them enough. So stay on the phone for a few extra minutes; respect their contribution. Do small things to make it easier for them to breathe.

But the greatest lesson that I have learnt in my life so far is the fact that nothing is permanent. I have always been a hoarder, a clinger. As a child, I would hoard my candies in a box, literally saving them for a rainy day. And when I would open the box hoping to eat one of my savings, to my dismay they would be gone! Clearly, my brother believed in seizing the moment!

Now as a grown woman I have learnt that the same philosophy applies to relationships also. The dynamics of any relationship keeps on changing. I guess change is the only constant then. The person who seemed the be all and end all of my being, might be a thing of the past today. I have learnt to become detached. Detachment is not that you should own nothing. Rather, nothing should own you. I wish I could time travel at least a year back and tell myself that it is okay. I was a wreck then, but look, I survived. I am stronger now. I have steeled myself up to the point that it doesn’t matter who is walking with me. It is more important that I am walking in the correct direction.

I want to tell my younger self that what you need is hold on to a purpose and not a person in life. People come and people go, but life goes on. I have learnt that I cannot let anything or anyone define who I am. You cannot live your life trying to please any individual or any idea. If someone is not treating you right or toying with your emotions, it is time to end it civilly and let him go. You don’t deserve to spend your nights crying. There are other people in this world who love you and want the best for you. Learn to love yourself and don’t ever let anyone keep you from the pursuit of happiness that you’re entitled to.

And lastly, the biggest learning of my life that I wish I could tell myself when young was to not have any expectations in life. They can lead to disappointment. Have goals and dreams, but don’t have expectations. Sometimes we expect more from others just because we would be willing to do that much for them, but that’s what leads to disappointment. Do things for others without expecting anything in return. That way when you do get something, you’ll be happy, but if you don’t get anything, you’ll be content.

Well, these are a few things that life has taught me which I wish I could go back in time and tell myself. But the irony of life is that it is lived forward and understood backwards and experience is a valuable though an unforgiving teacher.



Of girlfriends and lemons…

imagesLife’s been throwing quite a few lemons at me lately…..so what do I do about it? Initially I would cry, sulk, get depressed, get suicidal even….but that was a big trap. It’s like an unending ebb of “why me”, “what did I do”, “I do not deserve this” and the like. Something’s gotta give, I thought to myselbigstockphoto_Three_Girl_Friends_Celebrating_212140f.  What do I do with so many lemons? Well, what about making a fine lemonade (sometimes spiking it too) and raising a toast with my girlfriends!!

My girlfriends are my sounding boards, my counselors, my partners in crime, my gluttony as well as diet mates, the shoulders when I need to cry, the wings when I need to fly. They don’t judge me for my appearance, or reprimand me for my laziness. They indeed perk me up more than the strongest cup of coffee.

And it is no joke that this morning itself I read about the health benefits of having great girlfriends (for us women, you silly blokes)! It said women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences.

Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being.

Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. Women share from the soul with sisters/mothers, and evidentially that is very GOOD for health !!

Ha! Another reason to raise the bubbly sweeties!!  Spending quality time with your girlfriends is as beneficial as jogging  or going for a sweat-inducing cardio session. And not maintaining quality relations with other individuals can be seriously damaging to the human body.

There is this inherent need in us women to not keep secrets! We need to spill out anything even remotely close to a secret. And who better than our girlfriends, our besties, our 4 am madcap friends! We can talk about anything from our errant children to our useless husbands to our bloodsucking maids to our unsatisfying jobs to that life-threatening zit, to the stubborn as a rock belly bulge to PMS to fashion to the latest hottie in the neighbourhood to the latest eatery that we have to try! You name it and yup that’s been discussed by us!

My chosen few girlfriends have uplifted me when I have had no reason to get up. They have stood by me when everybody else walked away. I have to speak to my bestie every day. It doesn’t matter how inane my day was or how insipid my activities. I have to share with her my most frivolous feelings just like I share my deepest angst with her. And somehow my friends have this magical airbrush that know a trick or two to make me feel all right.

With them it doesn’t matter whether you did something stupid or cracked some kind of mathematical code. They love you for who you are. They will never judge you or bitch about you. They will just “be there”.

So treasure you friends girls. Keep them, nurture them, value them…and never ever ignore them or sideline them for the man in your life. Oh that would be sacrilege!

By the way, talking about those lemons, nothing feels more intoxicating and liberating when you can gulp down life’s tequila with your girlfriends and suck those very same lemons with some of your emotional salt!!